BE A BETTER YOU – CHILDREN/ADULTS 

Now, you didn’t think I was going to leave you out of the equation. No. I could not possibly do that. 

In this world, I believe that parents who think that they are doing everything to their best abilities are like sand at the beach. But, based on the results of an evaluation done by theirs truly, the number of the ones who succeeded at parenting is closer to the amount of gravel found in a fish tank.

So, for all of those who turned out to be good because your parents irrigated high value of life, be grateful and never take them for granted. Some of your neighbors probably wanted one like yours but didn’t get one. 

And for all of those who grew up with childhood trauma. Sit down for a minute. Let’s chat. Hmm more of let me ask you something:

• Are you at an age where you see that your parents did the bare minimum and yet, you are still rebelling against them?
• Are you at an age where you know the root of your behavior? I mean do you know someone who used to behave your way when you were young? 
• As a man, how did you learn to smash doors, slap people or belittle another person when you are angry? Or not angry?
• Or as a woman, do you still believe that insults are the only compliment someone can give you?
• ETC … the list goes on. 

As an adult who grew up in a not 100% functional home. I can say this. There are times when I held a grudge against my parents for not being there for me. As a result, I realised that I had daddy issues as an adult. Not in a financial way I must say. Daddy issues on an emotional level. I grew up with no affection from my father or mother. Nobody said I love you. Nobody gave anyone a hug. And I grew up craving affection. I remember my then boyfriend, now husband loved to cuddle while watching a movie. Like why? Why do you have to be this close to me? It felt strange and too loving. I craved so much affection but didn’t even know how to receive it. I just wanted enough love and not too much of it. In fact, too much love scared me. But again if he didn’t show any affection, I’d be mad although I asked him to be less cuddly. I don’t know if you understand what I mean. But it was like that for a while. But I’ve grown to be more relaxed and less tensed about showing affection. It’s even embarrassing how much affection I show now. Wait, am I still trying to fill the void? Oh May God help me!

Anyway, that was me. But I know many people walking around with daddy and/or mommy issues. If you are aware that you have those issues. Why can’t you try to change for your own good? I know it requires effort to work and get your own coin instead of waiting for someone else to provide it for you. I mean not for free though. We all know that. But why can’t you work on and for yourself? 

Guess what? From research done by many scientists, it shows that your daddy or mommy probably doesn’t even know that their lack of parenting produced a less confident child, a low self-esteem child, a scared child, a hateful child, a jealous child, a selfish child, etc. They still believe that they did a good job, but you turned out as an undisciplined child. Or better yet, even if they knew how much they failed, most will never repent to you. In any case, change for your own sake.  

In this world, we need better people. As a person who is at an age where you can discern what’s right or wrong. Choose to do the right thing on purpose. Especially, if you have grown up in an environment where people do the wrong things intentionally to hurt others. Always choose to do the right things. Otherwise, you won’t be any different than your past environment. 

Ah I’ve heard it before. I am not like my mother or my father. Okay. Well, how are you doing different than them?

1. Evaluate your actions. Take a conscious decision about healing yourself. Write down the pattern you’ve noticed on you from the people you were surrounded with. For example: I tended to say hurtful words when I was angry. And knowing where I learned that from, I now shut my mouth and speak only when I am calm and thought things through. I’ve seen what kind of scars hurtful words left on a person. And repeating it on purpose would be cruel of me. 
2. Analyze your behavior on a daily basis. We act a certain way because either we are filled with something, or we are lacking something. There is no need to carry on a behavior you considered good but know it’s bad. Be a better person than them.
3. Heal for you. Not for anyone else. It’s for your own sake. For your own peace. Now, some people are allergic to your peace. Watch out, you might have to remove them out of your life. 

I believe that when people reach a certain age, they become fully aware of the impact of their actions. That’s why some repeat them, and some choose to move away from them and the cause of those actions (a parent, an ex, etc.)

In this context, as a child who is aware of your actions:

• Try not use chemical that fries your brain in order to forget why you are here. 
• Try to not blame your parents or background of where you are. As long as you are no stranger to the root of your issues, it’s on you now to change. 
• I say this respectfully. You do not have to stay in touch with your parents regularly if they are not good to you. However, if you still depend on them or vise-versa, look for a way to create a healthy distance from you and them so you can grow and heal.
• Stop finding endless excuses for your evil actions and change. 

Briefly, look forward to being a light in someone’s else life. Be responsible for your change. Because if you don’t, your life will always be as dark as the night. No potion other than self-check to self-therapy is going to cure you. You are the only one aware of how bad you were hurt, and you are the only one who decides what kind of life you want to lead. On that note, I wish you all the best. You can do this.