Dimmed but hopeful: Keep going
Keep going. Where exactly?
I know you may feel like there is no place you belong to. Trust me there is. Make the first move forward and you will see.
What I want you to know is that it’s okay to feel desperate. It’s okay to feel like the world is about to collapse. It’s okay to feel like you are meaningless. It’s okay to have all those feelings. Because you are human. You are supposed to feel those emotions. You are not a tree or a stone. You are a human who can feel pain, despair. But you are a human who can also feel happiness.
Right now, you are hurt. You don’t want to hear about happiness. What is even that? Your heart has been crushed into a million of pieces. And most times, you can never put those pieces back together. Some of them will remain missing and no matter what you do, nothing will feel the same anymore. That happens and it sucks. There is nothing wrong for feeling hopeless. What’s important is to catch yourself. Go outside and let the sunshine beam its rays on you. Walk outside a little bit. Come out from the dark for a moment and allow yourself to change your thoughts for a while. Even if it’s difficult.
PS: When I feel like I am on my lowest, there is no place in my house that feels hopeful. I mean when I’ve reached rock bottom of hopelessness, it’s not only every corner of the house that feels depressing. It’s now the whole house. Wait, let’s rephrase that. The house has done nothing. Sorry house. It’s me feeling hopeless in every place I step in. And to undo that, I have to step outside for a bit. Doesn’t matter if it’s snowing or raining. I must go. Otherwise, I risk spending two days or a whole week like that. Trust me, that’s even more painful. So, go outside for a bit.
What I have seen is that some people found themselves in misery. Some discovered it when it was already too late. Some are testing it. They know they will be miserable, but they think they have the power to not be. Some people were born in it. Some want to escape it, but don’t have a clue on where to start. Some are longing for other’s burdens (thinking the other is light to carry). Some are addicted to it. Some chose to take drugs or medication as a way of forgetting their own anguish, etc. The list goes on.
But let me tell you. I wish that didn’t happen to you. However it came to be. I wish you didn’t or don’t have to go through any of it. Is it fair? No. Is it right? Absolutely not. Could it have happened to someone else? No. But, is there someone else who is going through more hell than you. Probably! But again, that’s hard to measure because whatever pain you are experiencing, you are the only person who knows how much you are suffering. And one thing I must mention before I forget is: No matter what you are going through. I am sorry it happened to you. I wish I can take the pain away from you. I wish I could make you see everything with clearance just the way it was before or the way it should have been, but I can’t. What I can tell is you were not put here on this earth to just suffer. Right now, you may not see any other way. But there is. It may be hard to imagine or to think about at this moment. But hang in there. Have a little faith, it will all get better.
You know the cliché thing everyone always talks about. Imagine something good, think about it and see that happening for yourself in your mind. I am challenging you to try it. You may not see the result right away or as soon as you want it to be. And I understand that your mind cannot even entertain the thought. But try. Try as hard as you can to imagine a happy memory or a happy future and hold onto it. It’s not easy. Take 1 or 2 mins of your time in a day and think of something different and better of what you have, of who you are and where you are now. It might not change your current life, but it will keep you going. And by moving forward, you will beat melancholy and bloom into a happier person.
Another challenge. Be patient with yourself. No change has ever happened overnight. Besides all the good things take time to take place. It’s easy to get carried away. Catch yourself in those moments please. You have a good life ahead of you and I am encouraging you to hold on and hang in there. You’ll see the other side soon.
