Run your race!

I remember when I was in secondary school. I wanted to belong to this ‘cool’ group so much. It was a group of girls where half of them were smart, others not so smart. Not because they were naturally dumb. Of course not. Just because they used their brain outside of school. In other words, to carry out the tasks of the smart ones. So, one day, seeing who I was hanging out with, my mother whispered to me when she saw my report card “You didn’t come with anybody else at that school. Run your own race”! And I must say that those words didn’t sit well with me at the time.

It’s hard to be your own individual with your own decision in a society that influences us to be something else. One day you wake up with the right mindset, another day you wake up with an idea of being like your neighbor. Or like your internet influencer. Ah don’t get me started. In most people’s lives, social media has done a lot of damage than good. I am not even going to give an example. If you look closer, you might find yourself as a good example so…

However, it’s not only social media. It’s just life around us. Social media just made it easier to compare ourselves to others without really knowing what those others have done or are doing to be where they are. Okay, I couldn’t do it. I am going to give an example. 

1. Nowadays, many people want to be content creators. That’s fine. But do you know that those so called ‘content creators’ might be earning $0 dollars for a living? Do you know that to create those ‘catchy’ content, they may have someone funding whatever that’s sparkling your eyes? Do you know that after posting something while smiling, they probably spend another hour lying in bed crying when they remember that the only person they are lying to is themselves? etc. The list goes on. You don’t know anything. You just see what they choose to show you and think you know their whole lives. Calm down and do what works for you.
2. Nowadays, another high percentage of people wants to become an entrepreneur. The title sounds attractive. But how did Mr Warren Buffet get there? Do you know? Did you talk to Mr Mark Zuckerberg about how his mental being was when he was walking on his way to developing the biggest social media platform? I mean why do you want to become an entrepreneur, and do you think you have what it takes to become one. Okay, don’t start with the ‘I can do anything I set my mind to’ Yes you can. But only if you practice hard and long enough and ready walk in the shoes of who your role models went through. Hold on. I just remembered that some role models you see might have grown up with a trust fund tucked in somewhere. If that’s not your situation, have trust that whatever you grant your effort into will benefit you in the long run. Or worst. Please don’t max out your credit cards for the sake of hoping for income you are not working towards gaining. Plan before you make any ignorant decision.
3. Keep your corporate job while you’re trusting your fund to boom. Stop listening to people who say that they woke up one day and decided to quit their jobs. Wow! Just like that? I mean how? With no money saved or invested? They made their statement online without giving any details and here you are nodding to everything they say. Be careful. 
4. Another case is when people follow what they hear from non-experts in anything on podcasts or YouTube videos as guidance or advice without thinking. For the longest time, I listened to how a certain couple, the man A always brought flowers to the woman B every week. How the romantic gesture showed B how caring and loving he was. And guess what I did. I asked my A to do the same. I associated flowers from A to me with love and care. And when he made a mistake of forgetting to bring those flowers for two weeks in a row. I’d say things like “you don’t even do small things I like. Like bringing me flowers.” A will of course feel sad and show up with flowers the next day. Now that I’ve grown up and matured enough to be writing posts like this. I thought long enough about why I was sad when my A didn’t bring me flowers. I mean you have to analyze the reason why certain things make you sad if you want them to change, right? And the irony of what I found out was that: I don’t even like the damn flowers that much. Wait! Don’t show up to congratulate me empty handed. That’s not what I mean. I meant, it didn’t matter if my A gave me flowers or not. Flowers were this idea or romanticism I wrapped around my head when showing me romance wasn’t necessarily through a bouquet. I realized that what really makes me happy was when he remembered to randomly buy deserts. Just like that out of the blue. Instead of flowers. They looked nice but didn’t sit well with my stomach. So, back to you. Think again. Is what you’re listening to and taking in what’s needed in your situation or? If you hear a couple that went on a safari as a way of restoring their broken marriage and you’re in no position to afford gas for a road trip. You see, you’re already in different situation. So, it’ll best to find a solution that works best for you. Maybe read the Bible. As you read, you’ll be able to reflect on your life and find out that God is the cheapest and realest therapist for you. But of course, if he calls you to speak to a human therapist, please go to one.
5. For those who get together for show (I didn’t use ‘fall in love’ because not everybody who are together love each other. Some are together for business). I wonder who it benefits when their relationship fails? I mean is any of the two gets heartbroken. Most possibly the children they decided to bring into the equation. You saw divorce working for others and you thought it as the only option for you. Not that divorce is bad. Well, it is in general bad since it’s a separation of something that’s supposed to last for a ‘lifetime’. But it can the best thing for some people. For instance, those who are being abused in any way. But for you who have issues with work schedule, dirty dishes, messy clothes, etc. Can’t you two grow up and find a way to rearrange your ‘personal’ lives and make it work? If you take divorce off the table, you mean to tell me there can’t be another solution two grown-ups can make to solve their issues. Side note: I speak from experience since I almost experienced my parents go through divorce. What saved them? God and lots of counselling. Divorce destroys children more than the adults. I can tell you that much. The adults think it’s for their best without thinking about the dept damage of their children. So, make your choices wisely. 

• For young people: Not everything you see is gold and shiny. Even the hottest girl or guy you see right now. You might want to fit in so bad in a certain circle. You might want to be loved by a certain person or people. Don’t focus too much on that. Focus on learning about yourself. Who are you without all the noise in your head? What do you want to do tomorrow that has nothing to do with everybody around you? Stop stressing over people who cares less about you. 

• For grown-ups – who still consider themselves as ‘teenagers’. When will you allow your body to rest and be okay without trying to rejuvenate it by injecting tons of Botox in your forehead to hide years of foolishness? It’s okay to be proud of the wrinkles on your face. The latter are there for a reason. Maybe a consequence of not wearing sunscreen in your early years. No problem. Moisturize it more it often, it’ll get better. At the end of the day, everybody will see that you’re from 1950s. We can’t compare Latin to today’s Pop, but we respect them both. 

Like what you like for you. Not because someone else does. Do something for your own good. Avoid copying and pasting other’s people’s lives and advice into your own. If it worked for them that way, it doesn’t mean I’ll work for you the same way. Drink water and relax. Read a book. Especially if you’re one of those people who say they hate reading. To that, my father would say ‘if you don’t read, you are illiterate’. But, since I am not him, I’ll be soft and encourage you to buy a book or borrow it from the ones filled with dust in the corner of your closet. Dare to read one. You might surprise yourself by the lack of vocabulary skill you have. Don’t worry, I still haven’t mastered that skill myself. 

Briefly, stop buying every product you see online. The high undervalued product you have, (Vaseline for instance) might be what works best for you. Stop mimicking other’s people behavior and envying their lives. You don’t know and don’t have to know how they are living behind closed doors. It might not be as glamourous as they advertise it. Admire what you have and who is dear to you. If what you see around you inspires you to become a better version of yourself. Be it. But if it creates jealousy, bitterness, comparison, etc.. you might want to shift your attention to what nurtures your life. Evaluate when and what stirred the passion of lying to yourself and work on healing your inner wounds. Nobody is keeping tabs of the comparison other than you. So, stop chasing who and what you are not, work on minding your business and enjoy your journey. It’s your life! Your race!